Dream Easter Basket 2009 Edition

In the spirit of the Easter holiday and us loving Jesus, we thought it would be appropriate to let all know what our Easter basket will or should look like. As you can see, we have divinely sharp and exquisite taste for many different items. I mean, we are classy and what not. We hope that you all have a fantastic Easter and if you need ideas for your family on baskets, please don't hesitate to contact us. Best wishes and sugar rushes to all!!!

Halt, Who Goes There?: Bonus Profile

Name: Sexyback

Gender: Effin Sexy Male

Occupation: Back sexifier, Ex-War Veteran, Aspiring Hollywood Superstar, Sales Representative

Race: Whafrican American

Age: 21. Forever 21.

Status: Wanting someone to love me for my mind and not my body. In the process of "testing" new applicants.

Schools: Performing School of Arts in Cabo San Lucas, Julliard (for like a half semester), George Washington Elementary School, and various boot camps across the country

Favorite Food: Anything to maintain this body

Favorite Cocktail: Strawberry Mango Bellini with a touch of Limoncello and a Lime garnish

Quote To Live By: "Cash rules everything around me, cream get da money. Dollah dolla bills, y'all."

Hobbies: Swimming (so people can see my sexyback), pole dancing, push-ups, breakdancing, running obstable courses, putting 3-D puzzles together, practicing my lines, writing gangster communist sonnets in iambic pentameter

Celebrity Crush: Coco ( if unknown, Google: Ice-T's wife)

Bad Habit: Flexing until it hurts

Dream Vacation: Tie between Hollywood and Iraq

Elimination One

This weeks elimination was a difficult one. The panel this week consisted of Mischief, Tyra and a very very special judge, Nanna Mischief, a woman who won't take crap from any of the contestants. At panel, CQ walked in and before anyone could speak, she gave her "resignation". She told the panel that she has no energy to do what is expected of her and then went on to insult her competition. Tyra did not take this kindly and yelled for CQ to leave. As she walked out, Nanna Mischief reminded CQ that she wasn't worth the panels' time in the first place.

Tyra pointed out that Blarbie's ensemble was fierce and that she was the only one in the group to really embrace the project and show off her accomplishment. Nanna Mischief thought that she took something from the past and really made it relevant. Gressence was complimented on the authenticity of her look and was told that one day, not quite yet, but one day she would make a good leader. Mischief and Nanna Mischief tried hard not to cough as Gressence stood uncomfortably close to the panel to thank them for their support. Nanna Mischief asked Gressence what horrid perfume she was wearing and said she needed to make a note of it incase anyone ever bought her such a "damn stinkin' poison". Gressence started to cry, but held her head up as she walked back to the group. SWF was called up next.

SWF was questioned about her motivation for the outfit she wore during this elimination. Where did she think she was, the Kentucky Derby? Nanna Mischief told her that she needs to lose that pregnant frisbee on the top of her head. SWF was told that he outfit for the challenge was surprising given her white trash roots and the judges agreed that they hope to see more of this type of innovation in the future. Mischief warned SWF that she needs to be a little less of a trollop. Flirting with another woman's man, especially in front of her face is not acceptible and if she continues such behavior in the future, she could pay the price. Nanna Mischief noted that SWF might be paying the price at this very moment and then nonchalantly pointed at SWF's bulging belly.

Frazzle slowly glided towards the panel. All judges agreed that he look was very strong but that her attitude may be what's holding her back. Nanna Mischief then asked Frazzle what she's been smoking and asked her to meet her after the elimination was over. Frazzle claimed this was her natural state, but as she walked away she gave a little nod to Nanna Mischief.

Ken was called up next and all of the judges were very disappointed by the outfit he decided to wear to panel. Afterall, with the exception of a new hat, this is the same outfit he wore when being introduced to Tyra. Ken had to be told three times that wearing the same clothes more than once is unacceptable and Nanna Mischief pointed out that Ken might be "as dumb as a rock".

Lastly, CrayZ was called up to the panel and the judges automatically asked him why he did not change his clothes since the panel a week ago. CrayZ answered that he felt more comfortable blending into the crowd (at which time both Mischief and Nanna Mischief started laughing as both realized that crazy ass man can never blend in). CrayZ then approached Tyra and told her that he really wanted to have a special kind of relationship with her, one where she can "punch me in the face while we do the dirty". This made Tyra quite uncomfortable. This made Nanna Mischief ask CrayZ what the hell is wrong with him. CrayZ then got closer to Tyra and told her that she is the only woman for him and that he wants to take her home with him and force her to have his babies. Tyra began to run and Mischief and Nanna Mischief began beating the crap our of CrayZ until the police arrived.

• Blarbie was the challenge winner.
• CQ left on her own and no one tried to stop her.
• CrayZ was eliminated and arrested and taken to the hospital for a number of broken bones and contusions.
• Mischief and Nanna Mischief shared a drink before Nanna Mischief took off.

..... It is believed she may have met up with Frazzle, but there is no evidence...

Holiday Shoutout: Happy Birthday to Mischief's Dad!

In our first ever Holiday Shoutout, I thought I would give a special holla to my Papa! Today is his 48th birthday and it's been a VERY busy 48 years let me tell you... He has many people in his life to thank for the success of him having a lovely and full life. If you are curious on exactly how many, please view an example of what his cake will look like above this. And usually, we love to joke around here on the P.M. Workplace but this my friends is like my family tree on a cake. Yes, that's right friends. If you counted 11, you are CORRECT! Each tasty chocolate candy is a someone sweet he's created or created with. If we could create a cake and all have a lil' piece of it, this is what it would look like! So Papa, happy effin' birthday and you have all day to decide who (if not all of us) you would like to spend your special day with. You may be the only man in the world that for every year he gains, it's another woman he maintains... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! MUAH!

Ding Dong Haiku's Continue

To never hear you

or your horrible death cough

my prayer was answered

To never see you

my eye sores can fin'lly heal

seeing clearly now

White trash swept away

with an asinine letter

laugh'd so hard i cried

Haiku Corner

Bring'n sexy back

your desire makes me weak

when you bring it back

Haiku Corner: Today's Topic is Coughing

I want you to stop
In a super special way
But the law says "No".

Shield of Germophobic Armor

This was built in order to protect us all from those who have fucking disgusting coughs, sneezes that make us snap, and nose blowings that make us want to runaway. This sheild was built in order to deliver us from a germy ass evil. This shield was built in order to block nasty ass people who don't know how to keep their germs to themselves. The shield can be worn by any and all who need it. From the nasty classmate, to the sickly co-worker, or the dirty little one who doesn't seem to know any better... The answer? The shield. As you place the shield around your neck, you must chant 3 times: Num-yo-ho-ran-ny-quil.

17 Years of Battle and War

For 17 years, I've been battling my teeth. Yeah, surprise, surprise, Mischief rebels against modern dentistry... until recently. I've won all the small battles, but the war went to Mr. Tooth. Specifically, Mr. 2nd From The Back Tooth is the newly crowned (literally) champion. He took my pride, my money, my co-pay, and worst of all, my ability to eat crunchy things for up to a month. You SUNNUVABITCH you. *SLAP* *spits on ground (painfully I might add)* How DARE you take my ability to eat Doritos, Tostitos, and thick crusted pizza?!? *fighting tears* I have a feeling about you Mr. 2nd Tooth From The Back. I feel like you are a BITCH. A WHORE. A whore that didn't take my man, but my happiness and ability to enjoy crunchy and extremely cold items. But you know what you can't take away from me Mr. 2nd Tooth From The Back? Huh? VODKA. I don't have to chew vodka. Nope. So YOU bite those apples.

Meet Depressence.

Name: Depressence.
Gender: Depressed/Emo Female.
Occupation: Whatever pays
Race: Who cares.
Age: Old.
Relationship Status: Lonely
Schools: High school and some other shit.
Favorite Food: Newport Menthol 100's.
Favorite Cocktail: Bacardi 151, rubbing alcohol, and a touch of black coffee.
Quote to live by: "What's to live for?"
Hobbies: Being sad, being emo, slicing "things", drinking coffee, smoking, appearing to be reading, seeing how long I can go without eating.
Celebrity crush: Tie between Amy Winehouse and Gary Busey
Bad Habit: Smiling.
Dream vacation: Middle of the Earth or bottom of the Grand Canyon

Secret Honeymoon Location REVEALED!!!

I've decided that I've teased you all long enough and should release the next honeymoon photo. Where are we you ask? Why in Hawaii of course!!! Aloha and a Mahollah to you too! As you can see, we brought the children along with us on this excursion on Do'YawahannaLei Mee Beach in Hilo, Hawaii. Isn't it just perfect? Can't you smell the flowers? Smell the ocean breeze? Be a hater at how supah-fine my Barry is? The children are so happy... just look at them beaming. They almost don't look like themselves... Anywhoo, we did have a fabulous time on that beautiful island and who knows, there may be another mini-Bama on the way! As badly as we wanted to stay, we had to get back to business quickly back at the White House. But hopefully we'll be able to keep you updated as much as possible from different places inside of the mansion as well. Until next time... Mahollah!

Blarbie Profile

Name: Blarbie (full name is Blarbara)
Gender: Hot Cougar Female
Occupation: Supreme Hairdresser/Mature Model
Race: Caucasian with a little White
Age: Unknown
Relationship Status: Involved (with Ken... for now)
School: Empire Beauty School, Betty's Basement Shop O'Hair, Elite Senior Division Model Mgmt
Favorite Food: Crystal Light packets
Favortite Cocktail: Just love those little umbrella things with any drink
Quote to live by: "Sashay, shantay"
Hobbies: Looking in mirror, clipping fuzzy hairs, laying out by the pool, looking hot, dude surfing
Celebrity crush: Joe Jonas
Bad habit: Leaving 'age' field on paperwork blank...
Dream vacation: Cancun, Mexico (Spring Break)

I will miss you..

This is my gift to you... I hope you enjoy... I will miss you while I am gone, but hope you get around to getting those other masterpieces posted... Like you were supposed to do.. I will think of you as I pack boxes full of things I shouldn't mention in the company of others.. Miss me while I am gone and we will cherish one another real soon.

Special Edition: Happy Anniversary To You...

To my one and only, Happy Anniversary sweet thang. I know I couldn't get you everything you ask for, or we couldn't be together on the actual day. But what counts is imagination, sex appeal, and a little of that good ol' Paint Magic. I hope you like it, just as much as I like you. Thank you for another wonderful year as my ace, being there when no one else is (literally...), and being the most dysfunctionally functional relationship in this Paint Magic and Real World. You know what I found out when we stopped being polite and started getting real? I found out how much I love me some of you. Shooobeedoo dooo.

America's Next Top C.S.R.: Cycle One, Challenge One

In this week's challenge, the Customer Service Representatives were told that they would need to make camo fierce. Some of the contestants rose to the occasion while others fell flat.
The first surprise of the challenge was that Gressance, a self-proclaimed superior, was thrown into the mix. Tyra felt that Gressance had not proven herself to be any better than those she was supposed to be leading. Gressance took this very hard. After eating an entire bag of candy followed by an entire box of cookies, she repeated some self affirmations such as "Whoo.. Okay, you can do this" and "Just breathe, you will win this thing". Gressance, as always, took to the challenge with a pseudo-positive attitude.

There seemed to be an issue between this week's hot couple. As seen in the group photo, Blarbie and Ken are not so close. Could this be the beginning of the end for the hot couple? It would seem as though Single White Female (SWF) was trying to get her claws into Blarbies man, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. As been noted in the past SWF is only interested in finding a daddy for her menagerie of children, love and other people mean absolutely nothing to this self absorbed wannabe octomom. Unintelligent and easily manipulated Ken took a liking to SWF right off the bat and was quoted saying "I find you intriguing... intriguing, that means hot right?" So the prego SWF and the numbskull Ken spent some time getting to know each other while Blarbie transformed her energy into pure fierceness.

**Sadly for Blarbie CQ was hanging around her throughout the entire challenge and it seems as thought Blarbie may have caught something from her. Lets all hope for Blarbie's sake she gets better soon.

Frazzle entered the challenge with her usual lack of emotion and energy and everyone expected her to fall asleep instead of getting any work done. But, with her mystical magical frazzle powers she pulled together a look that shocked the judges and inspired her competition.

And saving the most interesting part of the challenge for last comes the story of CrayZ, a man who always seems a little bit off and ready to kill. When Tyra asked CrayZ why he was not in camouflage, he responded "I am. I look like every normal motherfucker out there". It was obvious that he did not quite understand the nature of the challenge, and Tyra, who was a little frightened by his personality decided not to push the issue and said "Oh, I understand".

So who will win this weeks challenge?

Will it be Gressance who overcame feelings of insecurity?
Will it be Blarbie who turned the anger into fierceness?
Will it be Single White Female whose maternity camo dress with matching elegant gloves was something no one expected from a man stealing ho?
Will it be Ken and his mix-matched camo styles?
Will it be Frazzle and her inspirational style?
Will it be CQ who quickly threw something on between coughs?
Or will it be CrayZ, who may not have completely understood the challenge but did manage to look dapper?

Stay tuned to find out, who's on their way to the top....

Peep My New Wedding Present

This one's for you hubby...

Muah.

Ken Profile

Name: Ken

Gender: Sexy Male

Occupation: #1 Upseller in the Universe

Race: Caucasian

Age: 28

Relationship Status: Involved (with Blarbie)

Schools: University of Upselling, ITT Tech, and Bible camp

Favorite Food: Hot Pockets. They're like really healthy...

Favorite Cocktail: Shirley Temple with the little umbrella thingy

Quote to live by: Woot woot!

Hobbies: Upselling, learning how to upsell better, finding new ways to wear camouflage, smiling with his eyes, and doing word searches with themes

Celebrity Crush: A tie between Cloris Leachman and Helen Mirren

Bad Habit: Referencing himself in third person (ex: Ken loves to upsell. Ken thinks Blarbie is smokin' hot and vintage.)

Dream Vacation: To travel outside the country. Like... New Mexico.

Mischief and Barry's Honeymoon in Undisclosed Paradise

Well lookee here! I just happened to run across some of our honeymoon pics sooner than expected. As you can see here, my hubby and I are at an undisclosed location and favorite of ours. It was a little chilly out, (hence my trench and fedora) but as you can see Barry really enjoyed himself for the both of us. And don't worry, I was ready for him once he got out of that water. With towel, sunscreen, and dreams. Yes, I said dreams. As in not so clean thoughts. I mean, I am Mrs. Mischief Obama now. That's how I roll. And don't stare too hard, we'll be watching...

Gressance

Again, help me in welcoming our next character in the Paint Magic Workplace, Gressence! Gressence is one of the leaders of the P.M.W and is one of the calmest folks we know. Gressence can handle anything you throw at her, except a new fragrance! She LOVES her special scent that she's been wearing for over 28 years now. Gressence is a special person who brings not only peace but a special... dare I say... "flavor" to the air of our place. Enjoy and like Gressence encourages: Just breath!

The Love of Mischief's Life: Take One

Taking the special, special spot of our first love is none other than our 44th President... Mr. Barack "Barry" Obama. As you'll learn, Barry is one of Mischief's true loves. Mischief loves Barry with all their heart and decided that if one of their wishes could come true, it would look a little something like this. Well, in Paint Magic that is. ; ) Enjoy and we will have our honeymoon pics posted in the near future!